Warning: I wrote this because I want my kids to remember these kinds of days. When they look back one day and wonder why Mom was always seemingly preoccupied with things….too busy to sit down and play a new board game or watch a dumb cartoon… This is why.

My family says I’m “always at my computer.”
My ex-boss (who would load me up with 80hrs worth of work each week) would say, “You really need to get away from the computer.”
John thinks I’m always “wasting time on Slack” and sometimes acts jealous b/c of it.
Friends think I spend too much time on social media.

They don’t really see that I’m working in short bursts.
1 hr here, 2 hrs there. 3 hrs later.
In between: morning routines to get THEM out the door, errands for THEIR benefit, emergency dr visits because THEY hurt themselves, household chores that THEY should be doing, cooking food for THEM….

They don’t see what I do. If you saw what I did yesterday….

  1. Slept 4 hrs
  2. Get up at 7am and drive 6th grader to school- her cello was home from the weekend UIL event.
  3. Let the 4th grader sleep in late b/c she had a rough night. (See #1)
  4. Came home from dropping 6th grader off and crashed on the couch b/c #1.
  5. Woke up just in time to get 9th grader to dentist on time. Took 4th grader w/me and thought I’d drop her off at school on the way to the dentist. Didn’t have time. So just took her with me.
  6. Woke up 11th grader so he could jog along with us on morning errands. He brought his laptop. He tethered it to my phone. We did a Physics lesson.
  7. Got to Ortho. Removed 9th grader’s wire.
  8. Stop at Taco Cabana and grab breakfast taco’s since I know the 9th grader is hungry and won’t be able to eat for a while after his fillings.
  9. Drove to Reg. Dentist. Waited for 9th grader to get his fillings. Continued physics lesson.
  10. 4th grader decided to decorate her face with coffee stirrer straws while waiting for 9th grader.
    claire straws
  11. We laughed and she tried to remove the straws but in doing so she accidentally poked one of the straws INTO her ear, instead of pulling it OUT of her ear. End result: a ruptured ear drum.
  12. Spent the rest of the next hour in the Dentist’s office consoling her. Instead of working via the apps on my iPhone. They think I’m sitting there playing on my phone – I’m actually on Slack, Asana and Google Docs getting work stuff done. It’s the juggle of working from home AND running a family.
  13. Oh – call primary care doctor re: Claire’s ear. Of COURSE they can’t just let me swing by, take a peek, and if it’s an injured ear drum send a referral over to ENT. OF COURSE I hae to schedule an appointment. And of COURSE the only thing open is the 8pm appointment for the after-hours clinic with a resident. Because why would it be any easier?
  14. Deal with some Slack messages and emails re: swag to order for a WordCamp, copy work that I was supposed to do this past weekend, URLs needed for images for a newsletter. It appears as though I’m neglecting my injured daughter for some dumb iPhone game. I’m not. I’m working.
  15. 9th grader finishes his fillings, we come home. He gives me the brackets the dentist had to remove so he doesn’t lose them. For the life of me I can’t remember where I put them…
  16. Kids go to their respective corners of the house. I sit down to actually log into work.
  17. Get a lot of crap done actually. Very productive TWO hours at home.
  18. We leave at 3pm for 4th grader’s counseling appointment that we’ve skipped like 4 weeks in a row now b/c I’ve been busy. But she’s having meltdowns over issues w/her Dad so I’ve committed to this appt. Let the counselor deal with the drama. Mom’s tired of it.
  19. Sit at therapists office and zone out for an hour while she talks to Ms. Linda. 9th grader calls. Intense pain. I tell him to take some Motrin. I call dentist to confirm it’s expected b/c of where cavities were and how many shots they had to give him. Call 9th grader back and tell him to suck it up and deal with it. And maybe think about brushing his dang teeth more often. :/
  20. Deal with some Slack messages re: ads for affiliates, newsletter HTML and bug reports coming in from new site via Twitter posts.
  21. 4th grader finishes up. As promised, we head over to the fabric store to pick out a pattern and fabric for our weekend sewing project. The 4th grader wants to learn to sew. Sweet! I love sewing.
  22. Stop at Sonic for drinks and a snack for Claire. She gets her usual – Watermelon Slush + Nerds, Grilled Cheese. I try the new Sonic Energy drink. Naturally. The “Sugar Free” version. It’s pretty good. I mean it’s still an energy drink but it’s ok.
  23. Head over to the fabric store. Go to the restroom. Notice that I’m really really flushed. My lips are a little tingly feeling and my ears are bright red. My arms are bright red. My legs feel hot. ….OMG… something in the energy drink is causing an allergic reaction. Take half a Benadryl. I’ve been carrying them with me since this has been happening from time to time for the last year or so. I really really need to get my diet cleaned up. I really need to read that book by my nightstand…that I bought 6 months ago… I really need to… whatever….who has time.
  24. Find fabric. Notice my ears aren’t burning anymore. Think – cool. Easy peasy!
  25. While there, carry on a 30m texting conversation with 6th grader who is telling me all about her day. Receive lots of crappy glances from the lady cutting our fabric because I’ve got my head down in my phone and I’m telling Claire to be quite. It appears as though I’m totally ignoring Claire for my phone. I’m not. I’m managing Claire while talking to Hannah. I hate the judgment. But whatever.
  26. Get home around 6pm.
  27. House is a wreck. No one has bothered to do anything. Oh well. Whatever.
  28. Review Hannah’s homework.
  29. Review Adri’s home school work.
  30. Sit down and work for another 1.5 hrs. Wrap up some critical tasks that needed to be knocked out before EOD. Resolve SSL issue. Track down a URL issue. Create a Bug Report project folder in Asana for managing community found glitches on new site. Talk to John briefly. Email jpg files to client for ads needed for affiliates. Required conversations with graphic designer, developer working on newsletter, front end and back end developers working on the site, Dir. of Ops getting ready to order swag for a WordCamp, community member who keeps finding all the bugs. That’s a lot of action in 1.5 hrs.
  31. Put on shoes and head to the Dr’s office. It’s now 730pm. I don’t even know….did I eat today? Oh yeah the Sonic thing…..need to grab food.
  32. Get to Dr. Expect them to say, “No big deal! She’s fine!” but instead they say, “Ruptured ear drum. Needs follow up with ENT and Audiology.” I sink a little lower in the chair.
  33. But – that’s ok – I got this!  “Great, Dr, can you just shoot a referral over to our ENT and I’ll get that taken care of?  And does she need meds? Great! Can you shoot those over to Walgreens and I’ll pick them up tonight?”  20m later he finishes those TWO tasks. We finally leave. After he reads me – literally READS TO ME – his findings from Google re: Ruptured Ear Drums. But he was SO nice. I didn’t want to be rude. I mean but seriously… I can google, Dr. In fact, I basically do that for a living. GOTTA GO DUDE!
  34. Go to Walgreens.
  35. Get her meds.
  36. Get home. Get everyone to bed.
  37. Open laptop. Talk to developer re: newsletter that HAS to be sent out Tuesday morning (today.)
  38. Work for another hour.
  39. Finally get to quit and go to sleep.
  40. Oh yeah – John wanted to talk. I’m too tired to talk. Text him good night.
  41. Wake up on Tuesday and do it all over again.
  42. And people wonder why I don’t blog. Why I can’t seem to keep up with running or any kind of REAL exercise program. I have ZERO time for me.
  43. In fact, I stole time from 2 other tasks this morning so that I could blog this.

When I’m not working at my computer, or paying bills, or managing home schooling Adri, or public school stuff for the kids… I actually LIKE to …. blog, explore new software, edit/organize/print off photo/projects, hang out online with other tech friends, watch a movie, read/research things, etc. I enjoy the internet. I don’t go on girls nights out, I rarely go to the movies, I actually rarely get out of the house unless I’m managing motherhood responsibilities.

Just – you know – I’ve been doing it solo for 18yrs now and today I’m tired. Yes, I was married once but he wasn’t around to help carry the load. And yes, I have John now but he’s not the primary parent and there’s a lot of things he can’t — and shouldn’t — do.

I’m not tired of motherhood, per say. My kids are incredibly happy, well adjusted, responsible and dependable children. Most of the time. I’m tired of being made to feel bad for using resources that help me keep things moving. For creating a life that sustains my creative, inquisitive, curious spirit whilst in the throes of motherhood. I’m tired of people, in my family mostly, throwing stones for the amount of time I spend online … while they’re busy running their latests clash of clans war or xbox game. I’m tired of feeling judged because you know what – I am doing the best I can. Right now. During this season of life. To provide for the children, to manage job, to run a home, to keep all the wheels spinning. And I don’t mean the wheels on my road bike…

Frankly – yesterday – I kicked ass. If my family can’t see that – that’s on them.