The following is an excerpt from an email I wrote earlier this morning. I wanted to keep it archived somewhere so I could read it again when I need to be reminded of where I’ve been and where I’m going. I’ve edited it to make it blog worthy, removing names and references to specific people/places. I just want to archive the essence of what I wrote…
“Hey….you are totally right, [some Christians] really don’t know how to extend true Christian Grace. I also have been in that place …. and coming out of that was the … has been the hardest process. It’s where I am now. Transitioning out of legalism and just into Christ. There’s a big difference between Chrisitans who have all the answers and Chrisitans who just have Christ. Do you know what I mean? I want to be surrounded by people who are held tightly by Christ and are able to rest in that grip of Grace. The people who are held tightly, and walk highly above the rest of the world, by what their doctrine does and does not let them believe…well…I just can’t deal with that anymore. I used that same position to hurt so many people – I’ve been there – and knowing that I’ve ruined, completely ruined relationships, using Christ and Christianity…it is the thing I’m most regretful about. I make lots of mistakes and sometimes I even still just outright sin and then try and justify it….but I *usually immediately* repent, ask for forgiveness, accept my own humanity as a means for God to grow me and to praise God for parenting me….even as a 31 yr old adult!! But perpetuating a false sense of the Gospel…those years I did that… that’s my biggest regret.
Having spent 5 years in a legalistic church, and then spending 2 more years entrenched with legalistic friends… I just really see the whole situation as one more string God had to cut for me. I know that all things work toward our good, by His design – but it is still painful…Oh well – really though in the big picture – I truly see it as a purification process where God is removing from my life – sometimes against my wishes – anyone or thing who is influencing my spirit negatively. And for that, I’m thankful. I really am truly thankful. I feel for the first time in a long time that I’m beginning to find my identity in Christ instead of a set of doctrinal rules that are divisive.”
To God be the Glory.