This is something I wrote years ago, when I just had 2 children. We had just moved into this house and I thought it would be fun to bake cookies with the boys. Here’s the recollection of this. It’s much funnier when read aloud – but I wanted to archive it on this blog.

Instructions For Baking Cookies With Adri (age 3 1/2) and Ean (age 1)
by Sarah Walston (age 24)

1) Thoroughly scrub Adri’s hands
2) Find something for Ean to do
3) Pick out the two cookie cutters from the box of 50, explaining over and over again why you can’t use the broken ones, the mangled ones or the itsy-bitsy ones…why you can’t use any of the cookie cutters that really annoy you (but without saying THAT!)
4) Gather ingredients
5) Mix all dry ingredients that actually make it into the bowl
6) Dust Adri off
7) Pick Ean up and rinse his face off from where he found the pile of flour that accidentally fell on the floor while “Trash Can Guy Adri” was adding the flour – sweep the floor
8) Give Ean a cup of milk to go with the handfuls of flour he ate…
9) Put Ean in his highchair so as to now clean up the two eggs that fell off the counter when “SuperHero Adri” pushed his “Action Button” and “Blasted off into space…”
10) Get two more eggs out of the fridge and then watch Adri somehow manage to get all of the eggs into the bowl…
11) Send Adri off to wash his hands so you can pick out all the eggshells without him knowing so as not to hurt any feelings~
12) Oh yeah, Get Ean (who is now screaming from boredome) out of his high chair
13) Mix everything very very quickly
14) Quiet two rowdy kids down with the mixing beaters…
15) Spread the wax paper out and prepare to roll the dough out
16) Uh-oh the timer on the dryer just went off — change out the laundry and throw the clean dry clothes onto the massive pile of “To Fold” laundry sitting on the couch…
17) Okay back to the cookies
18) Roll out the dough
19) Cut out the cookies
20) Put first pan of cookies into the cold oven
21) Turn on the oven and wait for it to heat up
22) Have a tickle-fest while you are waiting on the oven
23) Put the cookies in the oven and then start to work on the second pan
24) The dryer just went off again – Take first batch out of oven
25) Put another pan of cookies in the oven
26) Realize that Ean has become VERY VERY quiet and go to find him
27) Find Ean in the garage (where the washer and dryer are) and pick him up
28) Scream when you notice that he has ingested a mouthful of Latex Hi-Gloss Enamel Paint
29) Call Poison Control
30) Wash Ean’s mouth out with water and then have him drink a glass of milk
31) Settle everyone (including self) down
32) Smell burnt cookies and rush to get that second batch out of the oven
33) Put any left-over cookie dough into a bag and into the freezer and then reward Adri and Ean with a cookie from the first batch and declare “Well THAT was fun and NOW it’s Quiet time!”
34) Send boys to their room
35) Gather all those annoying cookie cutters up and stick them in the “garage sale” boxes…

—Viola! Homemade Sugar Cookies—